Nothing has ever gotten my attention this much since I have been taking thoughts on issues, It’s disheartening to see people being abused by other people, this issue of abuse has perverted our society to the extent that the abnormality about it is becoming normal day after day as nobody seems to care about what his or her next door neighbor is going through, even people under the same roof seems not to care for one another, at least no longer the way it used to be – it is now a matter of God for all, everyone for himself. If someone is being abused emotionally, physically, economically and so on, how do you point it out and who will be there to help out in a society that, “everyone is on their own” – what an irony, a society, and everyone seems to isolated; what then is the essence of such society, this is an issue for another day. Perhaps I have been a victim of domestic violence at one point in time or the other, this might have gone unnoticed, everyone is therefore vulnerable to this unrecognized or recognized (in some cases) experience.
A form of domestic violence that often goes unrecognized is Emotional abuse, it happens when someone chip away at your feelings of self worth and independence. It can be very hurtful and dehumanizing; nothing is more damaging to one’s confidence and self – esteem than being emotionally abused in a relationship that is said to be intimate. Emotional abuse is a form of domestic violence that can be more insidious and elusive, most times the abuser and the victim are not aware of the act because it is not dramatic as physical abuse. Here comes to mind few examples out the many experiences of domestic violence I have heard and experienced, these examples are between various types of relationship, parent to children, employer to employee, between business partners and spouses.
I have on many occasions been abused by my parents, unknown to them and unrecognized by me as at then. I count an unfair hearing as an abuse personally, because it affects me emotionally. Sometimes ago, an issue happened between my eldest sibling and myself at my parent absence, of a truth I wasn’t at fault but I was reported when they got back. My parent summoned me but they were not ready to hear my side of the story, all I hear is shut up! No matter what, you should have obeyed, don’t you know he is older than you, and I am like, really! I was pained, feeling that their verdict wasn’t just, but what can I do after all they are my parent, what could I have done. I kept to myself for days and took though to point that I concluded that maybe they are not even my biological parent to start with. I know this kind of experience is not peculiar to only me.
Another real life example of emotional violence, though painful to share, notwithstanding it worth being shared, on the 16th January, 2018 there was a video that went viral about a lady proposing to her supposed fiancé at Ikeja City Mall, a place known to be very busy, so it can be easily said that all eyes were on them. Unfortunately for this lady, the guy turned down her proposal; news about the scenario carried it that the guy whispered into the ears of the lady that he is already married with kids, from the video, the guy walked away without any emotional recourse to what has happened – this left the lady with no option than to let go of the tears already gathered in her eyes, tears that were supposed to be of joy became tears of sadness, only if the ground would open for the lady on this fateful day because the shame and emotional trauma was just too much. Her deep thoughts thereafter will have no limit, come to think of it what exactly will be the object of her thought – is it the friendship they have built over time, the love experience or her fantasy about ending up with him in marriage.
This is an emotional abuse at its peak because; fingers will definitely be pointed at the lady almost everywhere she goes; for the guy, it seems as though it’s not an issue judging from the way he walked away. This and many others are the kind of emotional abuse people experience on a daily basis, the example above is not to say that ladies can’t abuse guys emotionally, it could have been the other way round, it could be between husbands and wives, employer and employee, parent and children etc.
It therefore become an issue of necessity for all of us to work against emotional abuse in whatsoever way we can, take precaution, avoid and prevent emotional abuse. Perhaps you are a victim already, get support, take counsel and be informed, and there are numbers of ways to get yourself out of it.
Let’s save ourselves from ourselves
Ojelade M.O. Jadesola
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